


Happy Birthday, Captain Jack!

by RoadrunnerGER



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Friendship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoadrunnerGER/pseuds/RoadrunnerGER
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A birthday party is something natural for everyone… except for Jack Harkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday, Captain Jack!

  The candles were blown out, the presents were unwrapped, and the cake was eaten. They had spent the evening partying, having a rich Chinese dinner, talking about God and the world. Now they sat in the boardroom, still chatting, having wine, laughing and joking.

  “Oh, guys, I didn’t notice that it’s so late,” Gwen suddenly exclaimed. “I should go home to Rhys. See you tomorrow!”

  And with that she hurried out.

  Now only four of them were left. There seemed to be more tension than usual at the end of a Torchwood evening.

  “Yeah, time to go home,” Owen mumbled. “Jack will want us in early as usual.”

  “You can bet I will,” Jack smirked. “So… off to bed with you!”

  “Great idea,” Toshiko sighed with a rueful glance at Owen and gathered her birthday presents.

  Not for the first time Ianto noticed the hint of a sad look on Jack’s handsome features as he watched her handle the packages. The captain tried to hide it, but Ianto noticed even the tiniest sparks in his lover’s eyes.

  _We don’t know much about him,_ Ianto thought. _Including his birthday. I never thought about that, but now I wonder if he doesn’t miss it, the cake, the presents… the attention and affection. I can see the longing reflected in his eyes._

  Barely suppressing a sigh Ianto got up and began to collect the dishes on a tray.

  “Night,” Owen mumbled as he left the boardroom.

  Toshiko stopped at the door, turning to Ianto and the captain, “Good night. And thank you for the nice evening and those… great presents.” A faint blush coloured her cheeks. “That was not necessary.”

  “We know,” Jack said, favouring her with a genuine smile.

  “You’re welcome, Tosh,” Ianto said. “Good night. And… um, I think there’s someone waiting for you.”

  “Oh, really?” Toshiko turned to look at the monitor on the wall that showed the central Hub and the cog door. There Owen was standing, shifting his position from one foot to the other uncomfortably. The computer expert frowned with confusion… and the slightest spark of hope in her dark eyes. “Okay. See you tomorrow,” she said and left.

  Jack got up from his seat at the head of the table and went to the young Welshman, intent on helping him with clearing the table.

  “Thanks, but no thanks,” Ianto said. “We’re not in need of new dishes… yet.” And with the last word he plucked a mug out of Jack’s hand.

  The captain pouted.

  “Now look at that,” Ianto murmured, nodding at the big monitor screen.

  Jack looked over his shoulder to check what Ianto had spotted. Right next to the cog door Owen and Toshiko were talking. Even from the distance their faint blushes were visible. Toshiko giggled behind her hand, then she followed Owen out through the cog door.

  “I wonder if they’ll finally manage to get together?” Ianto wondered.

  “Why?” Jack asked, stunned.

  “Oh, c’mon! Don’t tell me you didn’t notice!”

  “Notice what?”

  “Toshiko’s in love with Owen,” Ianto told him incredulously. “You didn’t know?”

  “Guess I was too busy,” Jack mumbled. He looked at Ianto with a strange mixture of emotions. Ianto could see his longing, but also the sadness that could not quite be covered.

  Shifting his position Jack got closer to the support officer again. His hand came up to caress Ianto’s cheek and leaning in to him he whispered, “Can’t you finish this tomorrow morning?”

  Shivers ran through Ianto’s body. Jack’s other hand came to rest on his hip, turning him to the captain and pulling him even closer. Then Jack’s lips closed over his own.

  _Guess I won’t have any choice but to finish tomorrow,_ he thought only slightly apologetically. There was little that he would deny to the captain and this request definitely was not part of it.

 

xXx

 

  Groaning Jack sank down in his office chair. It had been a long day. Heck, it had been a long week. No, scratch that, it had been a long month.

  He was exhausted and he knew from experience that if he was that battered then his team was about to break down. Before he went to his office he had asked, no, begged, Ianto to make some coffee, and he hoped that the younger man would show up with a fresh, steaming mug soon.

  _Oh, God. If I didn’t know better I’d say I’m getting old,_ Jack groaned inwardly. _Each of us has been working hard, but I can’t even remember when I had a chance to sit down the last time._

  Thinking about it now Jack could not even tell what he had been doing. All he knew was that he was constantly up and running from one place to the other, fighting Weevils, catching Blowfish, convincing Corellians not to stop by to restock on earth, bringing down Hoixes.

  Now he revelled in the simple joy of sitting at his desk, emptied his mind, and waited for the promised refreshment.

  _Where’s Ianto?_ Jack wondered when the Welshman did not come with his coffee. Looking out through into the central Hub he thought, _Where’s everyone?_

  The Hub was deserted. Only Myfanwy squawked as she flew her rounds high under the ceiling.

  “Where are they?” Jack wondered aloud and pushed himself up out of the chair. He grimaced. He was sore.

  No one sat at the workstations.

  No one was in the medical bay.

  No one was in the armoury.

  No one was in the showers.

  No one was in the staff quarters.

  The captain’s anxiety grew. Where the heck were they?

  No one was in the kitchenette, not even Ianto.

  No one was in the archives, not even Ianto.

  No one was in the loo… Jack checked both.

  No one was in the vaults, except Janet.

  When Jack stepped through yet another door the voices of all four of his team greeted him with an enthusiastically screamed, “Surprise!”

  They were in the boardroom.

  “What’s going on here?” Jack asked, confused.

  With consternation he took in the streamers and balloons, the three tier topsy turvy cake, the candles, and the packages piled on the conference table.

  Then he felt himself blush as heat shot into his cheeks.

  “It’s not my birthday,” he panted with shock, realizing at the same second that he did not even know when his birthday actually was. For one thing, time was measured differently back in Boeshane, and for another, he honestly lost track of time. Even if he knew how to calculate the difference, he did not know how to determine the exact date.

  “Yes and no,” Ianto said, stepping forward to the captain. “Today, one year ago, you came back to us. You returned to us a different man and yet the same, with a new born determination and a passion for protecting Cardiff and the world. You’ve led us through a lot of hardship and we wanted to show you our gratitude, so we thought we’d make it your birthday.”

  “Happy birthday, Jack,” Gwen gasped, unable to suppress her excitement any longer, and jumped forward to pull him into a, for her, crushing hug.

  “Oh, c’mon, Gwen!” Toshiko exclaimed as she nudged her colleague’s side. “You don’t get him all for yourself!”

  “And he won’t get Gwen!”

  Jack looked up and discovered Rhys Williams. He had not noticed him earlier.

  Blushing Gwen let go of the captain and Toshiko pulled him into a strong embrace. “Thank you,” she said as she backed off again and smacked a kiss on his cheek. Then she made room for Owen.

  “Yeah, thanks,” Owen rather grumbled as he gave him a quick and manly hug. “Happy Birthday,” he added when he stepped back. “So, let’s see you manage the lungs-test. Blow out the candles!”

  A little awkwardly Jack approached the table, but slowly his joy of being accepted, loved, appreciated, and praised overwhelmed him and a broad grin spread on his features. Beaming at each of them he then turned to the cake, took a deep breath and blew.

  Cheering the others saw him extinguish all flames one after the other.

  Proudly Jack smirked at Ianto…

  …until he saw the first candle flicker to life again.

  Jack’s eyes went wide as, one after the other, the flames began to burn.

  “What the…?”

  Once more he blew the candles out…

  …to be disappointed another time.

  “What’s that?” Jack gasped helplessly. “Ianto?!”

  His team doubled over with laughter. Even Rhys could not suppress his amusement though he could not understand the captain’s confusion over some stupid trick candles or figure out why the others thought it was that funny.

  “Just a small example of applied chemistry, sir,” Ianto told the stunned captain who just tried a third time to extinguish the flames. This time a few of them remained put out.

  “Ha!” Jack shouted with triumph.

  That earned him renewed bursts of laughter.

  “I’ll get the others, too!”

 Jack’s enthusiasm was adorable. Gwen still held her sides, laughing, while Owen grinned with wicked joy. Toshiko smirked at their captain. The trick candles had been her idea.

  When Jack blew this time all flames went out and stayed out.

  “See?! I did it!” Jack beamed at his team. “Now what’s usually next? Unwrapping the presents?”

  Leaning in to Gwen Rhys whispered, “Why did he ask that?”

  Gwen kissed her husband’s cheek and murmured into his ear, “It’s his first birthday.”

  “What?” Rhys gasped and she had to silence him with another kiss. “His first?” Rhys hissed when she let go of him.

  “They don’t celebrate birthdays where he’s from,” Gwen explained lowly.

  “I thought he’s American.”

  “His parents were Jehovah’s Witnesses,” she lied, because it would shut him up until she had time to explain properly what little she knew about Jack, and kissed him again.

  Jack ignored them completely. His sole concentration was directed on the pile of wrapped packages.

  “Which one to pick…” he murmured, closed his eyes and just grabbed one. Making a big show out of it he tore off the paper hiding the contents.

  Everyone fell silent with expectation.

  Unmoving Jack stood at the end of the table, staring at what he had unwrapped. It was a big book with colourful cover. Slowly incredulity became visible on his handsome features, his jaw dropped, and he blinked several times.

  Then he laughed out from the bottom of his heart.

  “Oh, really?! Kids? Seriously?” Jack could hardly speak he was laughing so hard. “You can’t be serious! The Kamasutra?!”

  His gaze drifted to Ianto.

  “I’m innocent, Jack,” the young Welshman exclaimed, holding up his hands defensively.

  That made Jack laugh even harder.

  “Ianto, you’re many things!” Jack gasped, “But innocent you’re not!”

  In a matter of seconds the poor Welshman flushed deep red.

  “Well, seriously, guys. Thank you, but I could teach those Indians positions…”

  “Too much information, Captain!” Owen chipped in.

  Jack pouted.

  As always Ianto found that quite endearing.

  Quickly the book was forgotten and Jack grabbed the next package. In no time the wrapping was torn to shreds. A carton was inside and when Jack opened it he had to laugh again.

  “A… a... a….” he snorted, “a… th… tho… a thong?”

  The others chuckled.

  Once more Jack looked at Ianto who shrugged.

  Without another word Jack began to open the buttons of his waistcoat and shrugged it off, the braces fell, and with skilled hands he pushed the trouser button out of its hole.

  “No!” Owen shouted. “No, Captain! That’s too much! I’m out of here!”

  “I just want to try it on!” Jack said, feigning confusion.

  “Too much information,” Owen stopped him for the second time.

  For a moment it looked as if Jack was seriously offended, but then he smirked and closed button and belt again.

  “Spoilsports!” he laughed and they knew he was just having them on, seeing how far he could get before someone stopped him. Then he reached for the next package. Quickly he tore off the paper and revealed another carton with a transparent top. “Oh, cool! A man can always do with new braces.”

  “Lucky you,” Gwen whispered to Rhys.

  “Oh, c’mon. Something practical is always welcomed,” he murmured back.

  “I heard that,” Jack chuckled, holding the carton up to show everyone before he put it down beside the other opened gifts. “Thanks for the braces, Rhys.”

  Rhys grinned.

  “I know who wrapped this up!” Jack chuckled. “That was Owen.”

  He was not the only one who noticed how clumsily the paper was wrapped around the box and drew the right conclusion.

  “Thanks, guys,” Owen complained. “As long as I can stitch you up when you need it…”

  The others chuckled and Jack laughed out loud when he tore off the paper.

  “Um, Owen… how long is this supposed to last?” Jack snorted.

  “Well, as Rhys said… something practical is always good.”

  Leaning forward Ianto eyed the package. Sceptically he raised one eyebrow.

  “Okay, Owen,” he said, “but a 500-piece variety pack of condoms?”

  “What?” Owen huffed. “You know how active he is. Besides, some of those do amazing things beyond your basic prophylaxis.” Owen frowned at the others who rolled their eyes at him. “What?”

  “Take it easy,” Jack said. “It’s a great idea, even though I won’t need them.”

  Now Ianto frowned at Jack.

  “What?” the captain panted with a mischievous grin. “Don’t you trust Owen when he tells you that you’re in perfect health?”

  Surprised by such a blatant reference to their relationship Ianto blushed crimson.

  Knowing that Ianto often missed a sign from him that he took their relationship seriously Jack hesitated only for a few seconds. Then he crossed the distance between them with three long strides and pulled the surprised Welshman into his embrace, his lips sealing Ianto’s in a passionate kiss. Under the cheers of their co-workers he dipped his lover backwards, never releasing the kiss.

  And Ianto melted away. When Jack let go of him again he discreetly searched for a chair or something because his knees were a little wobbly. He resorted to leaning against the wall for now.

  Grinning like the cat who ate the canary Jack returned to his presents. _I’ll unwrap that special gift later._

  The next parcel that he picked was long and hard and when he opened it he revealed a wooden box.

  “Oh,” Jack said and removed the lid. Inside was a bottle with a golden brown liquid. Carefully Jack lifted it out of the crate. “Wow. That’s… old. Mmmm… A fine, 60 year old scotch! Wow!”

  Of course he would save that for a very special opportunity. With as much care as he had used when he got it out he put the bottle back in its case.

  The next packages disclosed a few smaller things like a big coffee mug that made Jack beam at them all because it sported a picture of the whole team, cufflinks, and other bits and bobs. Then Jack opened an envelope and his eyes went wide when he read the card.

  “This is for you, too, Ianto,” he smirked. “A dinner for two.” By his lover’s surprised expression he could tell that he had not known about that present. “And what’s this?”

  It was a DVD. Jack’s smirk got a lewd touch.

  “Oh, my!” he chuckled. “A how-to-do-it for us.”

  Sceptically Ianto frowned at his lover. Having a closer look at the cover he discovered that it was a hentai movie. He made a quick step back and his face turned into an unreadable mask.

  Jack laughed.

  “Oh, Ianto. You’re so cute.”

  Clenching his jaw Ianto turned a dangerous red while Jack put the DVD on top of the Kamasutra and reached for the next present to free it of its wrapping.

  Jack paused for a moment, eyeing the set of a small wooden tray with ink bottle and fountain pen intently. At first sight he could tell that it was not new. _Rather from the 1940s,_ he thought and felt his throat tighten. _Too bad I don’t know who gave me that._

  He looked around at his team.

  “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely, putting the set down reverently. Now only two presents were left. Deciding to save the bigger one for last Jack unwrapped the small one that was tied to the neck of a wrapped up bottle. He flinched.

  “No!” he shouted. “I can’t believe it! Where’s John?” His eyes searched for his former partner from the Time Agency but he could not find him.

  “He sent me that because he could not come,” Ianto told him. “He said he was sorry, but he had some important business to attend to.”

  “Ha!” Jack laughed out loud. “I can imagine what kind of _business_ that might be!”

  “What is it, Jack?” Gwen wanted to know.

  “Sorry, kid, but I won’t tell you,” Jack smirked. This time he looked at Ianto and the look he exchanged with him made the Welshman quite anxious. He suspected that he would find out sooner or later what John had given to Jack. Jack’s gaze, though, drifted back to Gwen and he rasped in a husky voice, “Maybe I’ll let you try a bit.” He winked at her and even though she still did not know what exactly it was she felt her face heat up as she blushed.

  “I have a strong suspicion about what this is then,” Jack smirked and unwrapped the bottle. “Mmmm… hypervodka.”

  “Hypervodka?” Owen scoffed.

  “Yep,” Jack smiled happily. “Really great stuff. A-hundred-and-fourteen percent alcohol.”

  “Excuse me,” Owen grumbled. “But that’s impossible. How can it have more than one hundred percent?”

  “I have no idea,” Jack confessed, looking puzzled. Then he grinned. “But I don’t have to know how they make it to drink it.” Searchingly he looked around and found a few glasses. He took one and put it down in front of him. Then he unscrewed the bottle and carefully poured just a bit of the clear liquid. Then he held the glass out to Owen.

  “For testing?” the doctor mused.

  “No!” Jack protested. “Taste it… but only a sip.”

  “Jack… I’ve drunk alcohol before, thanks.”

  “No,” Jack challenged. “Try it.”

  Frowning Owen took the glass and raised it to his lips. There was something in the doctor’s gaze that alarmed Jack.

  “No, Owen!” he called out. “Don’t!”

  Owen had wanted to gulp the entire contents of the glass down, but Jack sounded so anxious that he stopped himself at the last moment and only tasted the vodka. For a moment he kept the liquid in his mouth before he swallowed it, then his eyes grew wide.

  “Wow!” he exclaimed. “That has a fantastic flavour. Very smooth. But I still don’t get what the big deal is.”

  Easing the glass out of the doctor’s hand Jack said simply, “Wait for it…”

  Everyone waited in frozen silence for about three seconds and _Wham!_ Owen’s limbs jerked, his knees buckled, and he hit the floor with a thump and a “Bloddy hell!” and gales of laughter from his friends.

  “Now that’s one of the most dramatic reactions I’ve ever seen to the stuff,” Jack commented as he extended his hand to help the doctor up. Fortunately Owen had regained control of his limbs quickly. Turning to the others Jack held the glass out and asked, “Anyone?”

  They all were curious and no one wanted to be called a coward. Gwen was the next who tried it and she wisely sat down before drinking. Somewhat to her disappointment it only gave her sneezing fits.

  “What? hachoo tha-choo choo that’s haaachoo it?” And she sneezed again. While she covered her mouth with her left hand to avoid spraying anyone she held out the glass to Rhys with the other hand. He took it from her and sipped at it.

  “Mmm, it’s good,” Rhys said…

  …before he broke out into a profuse sweat that saturated his clothes in a matter of seconds. Then he started to shiver.

  Ever the medic, Owen pressed a bottle of water into his hand.

  “Well, now I’m curious,” Toshiko admitted and picked up the glass that Rhys had placed on the table. She had barely took a sip when she screamed in shock. For half a minute she giggled madly, shouting, “Oh, God! It tickles! Jack! Make it stop!”

  Ianto was the last one and did not dare to refuse to try. So he took the glass and sipped the last bit of the vodka. It burned going down and he could feel it making his face flush red while the rest of him went cold all over… and then there was something else.

  “Phew!” he panted, but otherwise remained controlled. “Hot stuff.”

  “Thanks,” Jack said, thrilled. He took the glass out of Ianto’s hand and poured himself a shot. He knocked it back in one go and shuddered violently. “Whoa! It’s been some time since I had hypervodka.”

  “It’s… hachoooooo dangerous,” Gwen rasped, sneezed again and wiped her nose with a paper napkin. “Is it legal in your time?”

  “Oh, yes! It is!” Jack laughed. Licking his lips he closed the bottle again and put it aside. “Okay, kids,” he pronounced. “Last but not least.” With that he reached for the package and tore the paper off to find a photo album inside. “Now that’s nice.”

  He wanted to put it aside, but Toshiko clearing her throat discreetly made him change his mind. So he put it down on the table and opened the cover.

  His features crumbled and he choked. When he tried to sit down he would have fallen if Ianto would not have pushed a chair under his behind. Jack tried to speak, but could not get a single word out.

  They had used the album as a scrapbook. On the first page was a snapshot of the whole team, including Myfanwy. _How did they do that?_ They stood on the stone covering the invisible lift, trying not to fall off as the pterodactyl spread her wings. _Who made that photo?_ With colourful metallic pen all of them had signed on the black carton of the page. _Well, all except Myfanwy._

  Choking his surprise down Jack turned the page and was confronted by a picture of Gwen, a basketball leaving her hand toward the direction of the camera. She stuck out her tongue as she laughed at the camera and her dark hair was flying. Next to the photo she had written something, but Jack could not read it right now. The words swam before his eyes. _It’s just the hypervodka,_ he told himself and turned the page again.

  This time it was Toshiko who obviously rolled back with her office chair after pushing herself off her workstation. Her hair was flying, too, and she had one hand raised, a pen sticking between her fingers as if she toyed with it, her mouth open to call out for someone on the upper level who she rolled her eyes at.

  Unable to concentrate on what she wrote for him Jack turned to the next page where he encountered Owen, one of his arms deep in the intestines of an unidentified alien while he waved the other arm at whoever disturbed him, shouting. It was so taken from real life that Jack had to chuckle. Still he did not stop to read the lines written in the typical doctor’s writing and continued to the next page.

  As he had expected the picture showed Ianto.

  As usual the Welshman was dressed in a dark suit, this time wearing the dark red shirt Jack loved so much. Standing in front of the big silvery monster of a coffee machine he had his right hand on one of the handles while he held a mug in the other. Fresh coffee ran into the mug. With that small, mysterious, unpredictable smile that was so typical for him he smiled at the camera and it looked as if he was about to offer the fresh brew to the photographer.

  His writing was irrelevant right now.

  Jack could not read it anyway as tears shot into his eyes. Jumping up from the chair he reached out blindly for the first one who stood in his reach and pulled him in for a hug. With flailing arms he gathered them all around him until they stood around him and gave them bear hugs in turns. Tears ran down Jack’s face and he was hardly able to speak.

  “Th-that’s i-incredible,” he choked. “Those pictures… they look as if they’re alive. Who…?”

  “Um, well, actually it was a professional,” Gwen finally confessed.

  “What?!” Jack burst out, thoroughly sobered up at once by the idea that someone had been inside the Hub.

  His team members shared significant looks before they said all together, “Retcon.”

  Jack laughed out loud.

  “I should’ve known!” he snorted with laugher. Carefully he closed the album and put it aside. “Now who wants a piece of cake?”

  Of course they all wanted to taste it and Jack distributed it generously.

  Finally, when the cake was eaten and the others were gone Ianto went to the cupboard and got another package out of a drawer.

  “Happy birthday, Jack,” he said as he held it out to him.

  “Another present?” Jack asked, incredulously. “Ianto, I…”

  “No, Jack. It’s just a little something… something the others should not know about.”

  “Thank you, Ianto,” Jack said, and because it was a gift from Ianto he opened the wrapping paper carefully. A box was inside and when Jack opened the lid his eyes grew wide and his heart started to beat rapidly.

  “You’ll look magnificent in those,” Jack rasped, grinning at Ianto winningly.

  “No, Jack. You got the present, you’re the one who’s gonna wear them,” Ianto destroyed Jack’s illusions. “So, give me that and turn around.”

  Ianto’s voice was so demanding that Jack could do nothing but follow his order. He gave Ianto the carton and turned his back to him.

  Ianto’s heart was beating rapidly when he took the blindfold out of the box and covered Jack’s eyes, blinding him. Then he took the other item and tied Jack’s hands with the broad, padded leather handcuffs.

  “And now?” Jack murmured, his voice husky with excitement.

  “Now you’ll get your real birthday present from me,” Ianto replied, taking Jack by the arm to lead the way.

 

_The End  
_


End file.
